So why write a tour journal? We already covered how boring they are for the reader and the writer, but there is one very important reason that the tour journal or ‘tour blog’ exists. It’s called ‘on-line visibility’. The chances that some people might accidentally stumble upon your tour blog and read some of it while trying to Google ways on how to avoiding reading tour journals, is pretty high. Also, it’s a great way to show people how great your shitty life is; “Looks at me, I’m on tour! I’m sitting at my computer somewhere different in the world than you. Want to know what it’s like doing pretty much the exact same thing everyday?” …No.
I wrote a tour journal before and it was horrible, if you read it, I will now take this opportunity to apologize. I was forced to stretch facts, exaggerate numbers and even flat out lie. Why? Because touring in general is painfully boring and repetitive. That doesn’t mean we don’t have fun on tour, sure we do. But I also have fun taking a shit in a toilet that has a seat and isn’t covered in every bodily fluid imaginable. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna write a blog about it, though it probably would be more interesting than the shit you are about to read.
So as a warning to those of you that wish to keep reading I will now share a few lines from this following tour journal.
“…Vil collapses and we rush over to help him up. Obviously this bridge has been cursed by some unknown force that has created a black hole in this tunnel. We realize we can’t just leave this town to suffer and must challenge this force to destroy the black hole it’s created…”
I once asked a doctor why people are so stupid. He told me to shut up. I realize now that he was the smartest man I would ever meet.